Confession

Well, it has happened, I have experienced a setback in my weight loss. Logically I know that this is a normal part of the process, or at least it can be.  I had lost 55 pounds without experiencing a set back or a plateau, and now I have gained 4 pounds back. I bought a scale, because I only have one class left in the MOVE program on July 13, and that class is making up for the fact that I missed it earlier, so I am not weighing in  with them every other week. My mind wants to fall back on the fact that the scale I bought may just be different than the one I had been using at the VA, or that the fact that I have gone back to the gym is changing things, but my heart knows that I have gained the weight back.

This is a temporary setback, it is disappointing and frustrating but I will rebound and lose the weight again. The truth is I have not been staying true to my commitments to myself concerning my vegan lifestyle, and I have been eating sweets that I have no business eating. When I look at this I realize that I once again am eating my emotions rather than dealing with them. I am also avoiding them by spending.

There are changes going on in my life that in the long run I know are good, healthy, and what I desire, however, the getting there, is scary, sad and at times confusing. Rather than putting my trust fully in God, who I know beyond a doubt will get me to the other side of all of this, I am eating and buying stuff that I can justify as useful but I do not really need.

These patterns are far from new, nor are the consequences; in the past they have quickly devolved into vicious cycles, acting like tornado's sucking in more and more destructive behaviors.

I write this today, in order to make a public declaration that the patterns stop today. Today I commit to new patterns of healthy behavior that will get be back on track to reaching my weight loss goals , and more importantly deal with the emotional and spiritual changes going on in my life in an appropriate manner.  To do so I will:

• Contact a potential Spiritual Director 
• Talk about this with my therapist tomorrow
• Pay attention to portion size
• Turn things over to God